If you are responsible for people and their work then you know how frustrating it can be to manage others. They are late to turn in work. Their work is not good enough. They always have an excuse for why they cannot do something. You walk on egg shells because their moods are unpredictable. You have to counsel their problems and emotions.
Trying to manage people is like playing whack-a-mole: just as soon as you resolve one problem, another two or three show up. For people with unstable personalities, we try to massage their emotions. For people who are upset, we try to “take care of them” so that they feel better. For underperforming people, we try to mitigate their environments and circumstances in an attempt to remove everything that can keep them from doing their jobs. Most of the time, we do these things, not in the name of better communication and understanding, but in the name of containing dissent and being liked.
I agree with Steve Chandler in his book, 100 Ways to Motivate Others, when he says that managing people often requires you to get involved in a lot of ineffective amateur psychology. It also encourages employees to take a more immature position in their communication with you, almost an attempt to be re-parented by you rather than having an adult-to-adult relationship. A leader is compassionate, and always seeks to understand the feelings of others. But a leader does not try to manage those feelings.
So how do you manage people well?
The answer is, you don’t.
You can’t manage people.
Period.
As a matter of fact, it’s the wrong question.
If you are a leader or manager, the real question is: “How can I get great results from people?”
If you put all of your attention and energy into getting results from your people rather than trying to manage them, you will be free from the headaches and angst that comes with trying to do something you cannot do.
Instead of trying to manage people, manage agreements.
When you manage agreements, things get done, people can be counted on, a culture of trust spreads throughout the team, and integrity is strengthened because people honor that which makes them whole.
Here is how to make and manage agreements:
- Get clear about Who will do What by When?*
* Read more about Impeccable Agreements in the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp
It is the leader’s job to be sure everyone knows and is fully committed to Who will do What by When. Many people break their agreements because they begin by never intending to keep it in the first place. Although not many people do this consciously, many will sit in your meeting and do the corporate “nod.” You may interpret their nod to be agreement, but they are thinking otherwise. A conscious leader is keenly aware of body and verbal language that suggests that the other is not really committed to the agreement.
If you are the one who is driving a decision or agreement, then you must communicate clearly the Who the What and the When. When one party is unclear, the whole agreement is in jeopardy.
A leader should pay attention to the clues that suggest that you didn’t have an agreement in the first place.
- The other repeatedly misses deadlines. If someone on your team consistently breaks agreements that you thought you had made, it is time to evaluate your ability to be clear with Who will do What by When and your willingness to follow through. The results are coming back to tell you that you never had an agreement in the first place.
- You are frustrated with the results you get. If the other person does not come through with what you expected as a result of an agreement, that’s a big clue that the agreement was not clearly communicated and understood way back at the beginning.
- Renegotiating an Agreement
There will be times when you come to realize that you cannot or are not willing to keep an agreement you’ve made. For example:
- External forces and circumstances unexpectedly arise
- The scope of what you agreed to becomes too much
- Your deadline was too optimistic
- After starting on the project, you realize you don’t have a whole body Yes to what you’re doing
Whatever the reason, it’s very important that as soon as you realize that you cannot or are not willing to keep a commitment, you go back to the person you made the agreement with to renegotiate the agreement. Give your reasons, and then ask for another deadline, different conditions, or to be taken off the project altogether. Your reasons for renegotiating will become your later excuses otherwise.
By renegotiating your agreements ahead of time, you are setting everyone up for success and the playful ease of collaboration and getting things done.
- Clean Up All Broken Agreements
From time to time, you may find that you have broken an agreement. You didn’t meet a deadline, or you didn’t do what you said you’d do. This can be an embarrassing situation, but one that must be dealt with head-on in order for you to maintain your integrity and to maintain trust.
When an agreement is broken, go to the other person as soon as possible to take responsibility. Do not blame, whine, point fingers, or even overly explain what happened. All of what you say to explain why you broke the agreement will come across as excuses and evading responsibility to the other person. It doesn’t matter why the agreement was broken; just clean it up and restore trust.
When you manage agreements, you’ll find that your people don’t have to be managed anymore. There is more accountability running both ways, it is easier to discuss uncomfortable subjects, and communication is more honest, open, and complete.